“It’s not me, it’s you…”

“It’s not (about) me, it’s (about) you…”

seyed mostafa zamani / Foter / CC BY

According to Scripture, God is love. (1 John 4:8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.) Love is further defined in 1 Corinthians 13. ” 4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.”

So, we know that God IS love, and we know what love means- Love is about relationship with others, and love isn’t selfish. I always feel excited thinking about what love really means because in reality, it is so very much different than what we see around us. We often see the word misused, whether in our own lives or in the media. The prevalence of divorce and broken hearts serves as proof.

Divorce and broken hearts are the byproduct of failed attempts at what love really is. Attempts fail when selfishness creeps in, and we’re all born with a selfish nature. As individuals, we naturally see things from our own point of view and feel the need to preserve our own wants and needs. However, if we truly aspire to be like Christ, we have to be willing to set aside our own wants and needs at times in order to be loving.

Don’t get me wrong, self-care is important and a necessity (if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re in no shape to care for others), but God’s model of love is about others. It’s not about you. To your spouse, it’s about you. To you, it’s about your spouse.

Marriage gives us such a wonderful opportunity to model God’s love to the world. Scripture even references marriages reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church. A Godly marriage will ideally reflect that kind of love. Are you showing the world what God’s love is all about in your marriage? Or, are you acting on your feelings of pride, selfishness, resentment, jealousy, etc.?

If you’ve been selfish in your marriage (after all, it is our nature), it’s not too late to make an effort to change those patterns. I truly believe that when both people in a marriage are willing to be committed and make an effort, every marriage can succeed.

What are some ways you can show your spouse that he or she is your priority?

If you need some ideas, I encourage you to watch the movie Fireproof and check out The Love Dare. It’s definitely worth your time to invest in your marriage!







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2 Responses to ““It’s not me, it’s you…””

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  1. My husband I got married 11/3/20113 so we are very new to all of this and received lots of advice from friends and family on the best ways that they’ve found to make for a lasting marriage. We received 3 copies of “5 Love Languages” and we have both read them. What a wonderful blessing to realize that my husband and I don’t love the same! I think we take each other for granted because we now (or hope anyway) that the other one isn’t going anywhere, and it’s always a reminder to me to realize that he can if not treated with kindness and respect. Great post!

    • Keri says:

      Thanks for your comment! Very good point, it is important to recognize that the other person isn’t going to have the same needs or approach you might!